For victims, bullying is ‘living hell'

St. Mary's schools start prevention effort this year

Friday, Aug. 6, 2010

By JESSE YEATMAN

Staff writer

Click here to enlarge this photo Staff photos by REID SILVERMAN Superintendent Michael Martirano makes a presentation Wednesday on a bullying prevention and community awareness initiative at the Dr. James A. Forrest Career and Technology Center.  E-Mail This Article | Print This Story Click here to enlarge this photo Jodee Blanco, author of the book "Stop Laughing at Me," speaks about some of the embarrassing moments during her school years.

Jodee Blanco says she was picked on mercilessly during her middle and high school years. She turned that experience into a book that has aided a national movement to prevent bullying in schools.

Blanco related her personal stories Wednesday to an audience of educators, parents and students at the Dr. James A. Forrest Career and Technology Center in Leonardtown at the kickoff event of a new bullying prevention and community awareness initiative for the upcoming school year.

"I was the kid that nobody wanted to hang out with. I cried myself to sleep," Blanco said. "My adolescence was a living hell."

She candidly recalled incidents of her school years in suburban Chicago: A dissected piglet was thrown at her face. Students threw her down and stuffed snow in her throat. Countless times, she was bullied in the hallway or cafeteria.

At one point during those years, Blanco said she stopped eating and dropped to a dangerously low weight. She also stopped washing her hair and her face, thinking of herself as invisible to her peers and the rest of the world.

She said that these feelings stayed with her into her adulthood, even after becoming a successful celebrity publicist. But after the shooting in 1999 at Columbine High School in Denver, where two students killed 12 other students and a teacher before shooting themselves, Blanco realized she wanted to write about her hard times in school.

"I understand what could have drove those boys to that desperate place in their minds," she said, relating an incident where as a student Blanco's mother discovered a kitchen knife stowed away in her book bag one morning while she was getting ready to go to school.

She said she in no way condones violence, but that stopping bullying can help prevent violent retaliations in schools.

After publication of her memoir, "Please Stop Laughing at Me … One Woman's Inspirational Story," e-mails and letters began pouring in from students around the nation who faced bullying and, in some cases, were contemplating suicide, Blanco said.

She began touring to schools and working on ways to prevent bullying. She has since written a follow-up book, "Please Stop Laughing at Us."

Blanco will speak to all St. Mary's public school employees on a staff development day later this month, and will also make presentations at four of the county's middle schools and an evening parent presentation at 6 p.m. on Sept. 9 at Leonardtown High School.

"It's not just joking around. You are damaging each other for the rest of your lives," Blanco said. "I will never be whole inside because of how my classmates treated me."

For targets of bullying, "the hallways at school are terrifying because that's where everybody lets loose," she said. In class before a teacher arrives, student can torment others when adults aren't looking, she warned.

According to a St. Mary's survey last school year, about 18 percent of middle school students surveyed said they were bullied. Nearly 70 percent say they have witnessed others being bullied.

Bullying most frequently was reported in the hallways of schools, followed by in the cafeteria, gym and classrooms. The survey showed that more than half of students disagreed or strongly disagreed with the statement: "Students respect other students perceived as different."

About half of the students say they intervene when they witness bullying; 80 percent say adults take action to stop bullying.

Often it is not the actual bully who can cause the most pain, Blanco said; it is the other students who sit by and watch it happen and laugh at another's misfortune. She called such people cowards.

"Coward is the worst thing you can be, because your whole life will be regret," she said.

Blanco urged children to reach out to students who don't fit in and offer them kind words, a place to sit or even friendship.

"Bullying isn't just the mean things you do, it's all the nice things you don't do," she said.

Blanco's story ended happily. She said she attended a high school reunion recently and accepted apologies from some of the primary bullies from her school years. She said she also has since married the school's heartthrob, on whom she had a crush throughout most of her school years.

But she remembers the pain. "It doesn't matter why you laugh at somebody. Being laughed at stinks," she said.

School Superintendent Michael Martirano and Michael Wyant, St. Mary's public schools director of safety and security, launched the bullying prevention initiative this school year to address "what's occurring not only in our schools, but our community, our homes, whether it be in person or by the computer," Wyant said.

To students in the room and elsewhere, school board chair Bill Mattingly said, "You're going to have to make some tough choices … reach out to someone and get some advice, get some help, because the bullying issue goes well beyond your high school years."

"The bully never remembers, but the outcasts never forget," Martirano said, quoting from Blanco's book.

Martirano said now more than ever bullying needs to be addressed because it spills out from schools and can reach children even in the relative safety of their own homes through the Internet.

"Young people should never suffer in silence," Martirano said.

jyeatman@somdnews.com

Expert Advice: Taking a Stand Against Bullying

By Debra Dibartolo Aug 5th 2010 11:29AM

A mother is suing a local school district for not protecting her special-needs son from being bullied on the school bus. The news article reports that students kicked and pushed the child, made threatening stabbing motions toward him with a pen, beat him and threw him to the floor, where he was hit in the head and shoulders. I wasn't there, but from what I have heard, this was much more than schoolyard bullying -- this was criminal. However, this sort of violence can be the result of unchecked bullying.

Adults must intervene before another school year starts and the victims of bullying suffer in silence, or we lose another child to suicide because he or she can no longer tolerate being bullied. Parents, educators, law enforcement and legislators should discuss the definition of bullying as well as the proper and effective types of intervention for both bullies and their victims.

It's important to note that teasing is different from bullying. When children tease each other, no one is emotionally, spiritually or physically hurt. All participants see it as playful and humorous. This is the normal behavior of children. 

Bullying, however, involves an imbalance of power. A child bullies another child to establish dominance over him or her. The bullied child isn't having fun -- this is not mutual playfulness. These cruel and hurtful acts require consistent and immediate adult intervention. Physical violence is one step beyond bullying. When a child assaults another child, as occurred on that school bus, I must wonder why no juvenile delinquency charges were reported or filed. Hitting and physically attacking another person is illegal. 

Bullying is an epidemic that can turn violent and has serious effects on those involved. Both the child who has been bullied and the bully can suffer significant, prolonged consequences. Victims may struggle with low self-esteem,depression, impaired academic performance, gastrointestinal distress, suicide and homicide. The bully suffers as well and needs help, too. Reports show that bullies suffer from conduct disorders and school delinquency. They often drop out, are unable to hold jobs and fail in personal relationships. 

Bullying must never be tolerated, ignored or mistaken for playful teasing. Adults must intervene when bullies victimize other children. As a parent or concerned citizen, you can make a difference. Let your school know your concerns, and make sure that they have a strong, effective plan that is ready to be implemented before the school year begins. That way, what happened on that school bus will not happen in your community.

 

Viral Cyberbullying: Who's to Blame for Jessi Slaughter's Online Infamy

July 22, 2010 11:56 PM

A young girl who goes by the screenname Jessi Slaughter has become part of the Internet zeitgeist through a series of viral videos in which she lashes out against bullies.

The  videos were originally created and posted, according to Jessi, as a response to online bullies who called her names and accused the 11-year-old girl of being raped by a friend. In them she uses profane language and gestures and makes violent threats against her so-called online "haters." 

These videos, which subsequently went viral with the aid of malicious message boards like 4chan, lead to a new flood of taunts and threats against Jessi and her family.  In one video, the girl  has a “virtual meltdown” appearing increasingly enraged and emotionally distraught -- her father even joins in an attempt to end the tormenting, promising “consequences” for those who continue to harass his daughter.

The viral videos have lead to hundreds of parodies, response videos, and even merchandise like t-shirts and mugs quoting the girl and her father.  Jokes aside, Jessi’s parents claim the family receives dozens of threatening calls and e-mails everyday and Florida police have began an investigation into whether this is a case of cyberstalking or cyberbullying. 

So tonight we ask, who do you think is responsible for the negative attention being thrust upon the 11-year-old? 

Op-Ed New York Times: There’s Only One Way to Stop a Bully

By SUSAN ENGEL and MARLENE SANDSTROM

Williamstown, Mass.

HERE in Massachusetts, teachers and administrators are spending their summers becoming familiar with the new state law that requires schools to institute an anti-bullying curriculum, investigate acts of bullying and report the most serious cases to law enforcement officers.

This new law was passed in April after a group of South Hadley, Mass., students were indicted in the bullying of a 15-year-old girl, Phoebe Prince, who committed suicide. To the extent that it underlines the importance of the problem and demands that schools figure out how to address it, it is a move in the right direction. But legislation alone can’t create kinder communities or teach children how to get along. That will take a much deeper rethinking of what schools should do for their students.

It’s important, first, to recognize that while cellphones and the Internet have made bullying more anonymous and unsupervised, there is little evidence that children are meaner than they used to be. Indeed, there is ample research — not to mention plenty of novels and memoirs — about how children have always victimized one another in large and small ways, how often they are oblivious to the rights and feelings of others and how rarely they defend a victim.

In a 1995 study in Canada, researchers placed video cameras in a school playground and discovered that overt acts of bullying occurred at an astonishing rate of 4.5 incidents per hour. Just as interesting, children typically stood idly by and watched the mistreatment of their classmates — apparently, the inclination and ability to protect one another and to enforce a culture of tolerance does not come naturally. These are values that must be taught.

Yet, in American curriculums, a growing emphasis on standardized test scores as the primary measure of “successful” schools has crowded out what should be an essential criterion for well-educated students: a sense of responsibility for the well-being of others.

What’s more, the danger of anti-bullying laws, which have now been passed by all but six states, is that they may subtly encourage schools to address this complicated problem quickly and superficially. Many schools are buying expensive anti-bullying curriculum packages, big glossy binders that look reassuring on the bookshelf and technically place schools closer to compliance with the new laws.

But our research on child development makes it clear that there is only one way to truly combat bullying. As an essential part of the school curriculum, we have to teach children how to be good to one another, how to cooperate, how to defend someone who is being picked on and how to stand up for what is right.

To do this, teachers and administrators must first be trained to recognize just how complex children’s social interactions really are. Yes, some conflict is a normal part of growing up, and plenty of friendly, responsible children dabble in mean behavior. For these children, a little guidance can go a long way. That is why the noted teacher and author Vivian Paley once made a rule that her students couldn’t exclude anyone from their play. It took a lot of effort to make it work, but it had a powerful impact on everyone.

Other children bully because they have emotional and developmental problems, or because they come from abusive families. They require our help more than our punishment.

The kind of bullying, though, that presents the most difficulty in figuring out how and when to intervene falls between these two extremes: Sometimes children who aren’t normally bullies get caught up in a larger culture of aggression — say, a clique of preadolescent girls who form a club with the specific function of being mean to other girls. Teachers must learn the difference between various sorts of aggressive behaviors, as well as the approaches that work best for each.

Most important, educators need to make a profound commitment to turn schools into genuine communities. Children need to know that adults consider kindness and collaboration to be every bit as important as algebra and reading. In groups and one-on-one sessions, students and teachers should be having conversations about relationships every day. And, as obvious as it might sound, teachers can’t just preach kindness; they need to actually be nice to one another and to their students.

Teachers also need to structure learning activities in which children are interdependent and can learn to view individual differences as unique sources of strength. It’s vital that every student, not just the few who sign up for special projects or afterschool activities, be involved in endeavors that draw them together.

Look at Norway, where the prevention of such incidents became a major emphasis of the school system after three teenage victims of bullying committed suicide in 1983. There, everyone gets involved — teachers, janitors and bus drivers are all trained to identify instances of bullying, and taught how to intervene. Teachers regularly talk to one another about how their students interact. Children in every grade participate in weekly classroom discussions about friendship and conflict. Parents are involved in the process from the beginning.

Norway’s efforts have been tremendously effective. The incidence of bullying fell by half during the two-year period in which the programs were introduced. Stealing and cheating also declined. And the rate of bullying remains low today. Clearly, when a school and a community adopt values that are rooted in treating others with dignity and respect, children’s behavior can change.

Indeed, our analysis of successful bullying-prevention programs across the United States and abroad reveals that the key common factor is their breadth: both in terms of the people who participate and of the deep connection between specific policies and the larger social ethos of the school community.

Involving the legal system makes a strong statement that a society won’t tolerate bullying. But for laws like the one in Massachusetts to succeed, they have to be matched by an educational system that teaches children not only what’s wrong, but how to do what’s right.

Susan Engel is a senior lecturer in psychology and the director of the teaching program at Williams College, where Marlene Sandstrom is a professor of psychology.

Parents can help prevent bullying

Friday, July 16, 2010  02:52 AM

Bullying is a form of intimidation, and it's not limited to a specific demographic.

It's found among all groups, ages and both genders, regardless of family income.

There's almost always one common thread: disrespect for those considered to be different, unworthy and not deserving of rights and privileges of the "in group.

" Like all predators, bullies seek out the weakest among their classmates and neighbors. Taunts can leave lifelong emotional scars and can even be deadly.

Reports of school bullying vary by buildings and levels and appear to be highest between fourth and eighth grades - the middle-school years, where it has been known to affect nearly 80 percent of students.

Bullying is learned behavior, and, fortunately, it can be unlearned. It must be addressed in its early stages by those in authority: parents, teachers and, if necessary, juvenile courts.

Playground bullies may receive rough justice because others may be nastier. But there's a new type of bullying, cyber-bullying, and it involves cowardly behavior. While playground bullies often use physical aggression, cyber-bullies are more insidious with name-calling and malicious gossip.

Last January, Phoebe Prince, a high-school student in Massachusetts, hanged herself. She was a recent immigrant from Ireland and had no friends. Five students, two males and three females, were arrested on criminal charges because, prosecutors said, they harassed Phoebe through text messages, calling her vile names and driving her to suicide.

The district attorney accused Phoebe's teachers and school administrators of being derelict. But the parents weren't considered complicit. Thus, those who should have the most control over their youngsters weren't charged.

Thankfully, most victims of bullies don't end up dead. But children who have been bullied, both physically and emotionally, often can recall feelings of worthlessness years later. These memories can be painful and contribute to serious problems as adults.

Childhood bullies will become adult bullies unless they learn other, socially acceptable ways to satisfy their need for power and attention. Some authorities find those who bully and are bullied are at risk of loneliness, troubled friendships, poor school work and problem behaviors such as smoking and drinking. Thus, both the bullied and the bullies can be victims.

Parents bear some responsibility when cyber-bullying originates from school sites.

School personnel are responsible for informing students and parents of policies regarding behavior at school. They're obligated to enforce rules and provide instruction to students on preventing bullying and to teach bullies alternate behaviors and attitudes.

But parents have major responsibility for their children. They can show them, by their words and deeds, respect for all people. Powerful learning occurs through observing and practicing behavior - good and bad.

How to help potential bullies and their victims? Teach youngsters to respect others and how to cope with bullies through group counseling in elementary and middle schools. Parents need to listen to and observe their children for signs that they are fearful and feel intimidated or are too aggressive. And seek help early. The Ohio Department of Education's website provides bullying-prevention help in the Learning Supports section under Safe and Supportive Learning.

Bullying always will exist to some degree. Antidotes include showing respect for others and helping those who may be followers to gain the self-confidence to do the right thing. Acceptable behavior starts with adults because children imitate what we do and say. Adults' examples help our young form the foundation for good and bad behavior in school and in life.

Thomas M. Stephens is professor emeritus in the College of Education and Human Ecology at Ohio State University and is executive director emeritus of the School Study Council of Ohio.

etstephens@copper.net

Workplace Bullying: Do We Need a Law?

According to a joint study by the polling firm Zogby and the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI), an employee-advocacy group, nearly 50% of the U.S. workforce is either a victim of or a witness to bullying on the job. 

In California, a scientist committed suicide after what she had described as years of mistreatment by an abusive boss. In Indiana, a medical technician sued and was awarded $325,000 in damages after his boss shouted threats at him with clenched fists. 

Seventeen states have introduced bills that would enable other victims to sue for damages as well. New York’s version of the legislation stalled in committee last month. Is it timeto make workplace bullying a crime?

Should workplace bullying be illegal?

YesNo

View Results

The WBI’s Gary Namie defines workplace bullying as “repeated malicious mistreatment, verbal abuse, or conduct that is threatening, humiliating, or intimidating, or that interferes with work.” It’s already illegal in many states to bully someone based on his or her race, religion, or sexual orientation, but workforce advocates say that stronger “status-blind” laws are needed. 

Many employers oppose such laws. “Making a federal or state case over the day-to-day management of any workforce is just plain nuts,” says Victoria Pynchon, an attorney-mediator in Los Angeles. “At best, it’s a jackhammer solution to an Emily Post problem. At worst, it’s a new scheme for extortion.”  

— Janet Kinosian

Bullied Ariz. teen takes action

by Ross Forman2010-07-07

Images for this article: (Click on any thumbnail to view FullSize SlideShow)  Laieski. Photo courtesy of Laieski

He's only 15 and a sophomore in high school, yet Caleb Laieski has already received numerous death threats—because he's gay.However, Laieski is not going after those bullying him. Instead, he's suing his Arizona school district and has founded a support group to deal with anti-gay discrimination. Laieski lives in Surprise, Ariz., where he attends Willow Canyon High School. He wants to pursue a college degree in public safety and political science. "Life isn't easy for anyone, especially when diversity comes in. The thing that gets me the most is the level of intolerance and hatred that still exists," Laieski said. "Once again we are repeating history; starting with the difficult fight for women's rights, following the violent fight for African-American rights, and now the long-awaited fight for LGBT rights. "I feel I am discriminated against much more often now that I am more open about my sexual orientation. As I became more open [ about my sexuality ] , the hate speech and discrimination began to increase everywhere—in public, at school, via phone, via email, etc." Laieski said he has "always" been attracted to the same sex, even as young as 6-years-old. He came out of the closet in sixth grade. Read more story below....  The teen said he founded GLUAD ( Gays and Lesbians United Against Discrimination ) to help support the LGBT community locally and nationally, "because of the amount of discrimination, hate speech, and experience of a friend committing suicide and many others attempting to work from a legislative perspective to deter or prevent these issues by passing legislation to patch these issues," he said. "After more interaction, experience, and involvement, I learned that we need to focus on the more basic issue that kept these statistics of suicide, homelessness, rejection, drug and alcohol use, etc. [ so high ] ." Laieski was motivated to move forward following several national issues dramatically affecting the LGBT community and, of course, his personal woes. He added, "When the issue of discrimination began to include myself and my friends, I then kicked my level of activism to step one, and it fired me up more when Proposition 102 [ in ] Arizona, Proposition 8 [ in ] California and the proposition in Florida had passed banning gay marriage, along with the ban on gays from adopting in Arkansas all in the 2008 elections." He said one of his main focal points is Chicago, where there is a high amount of LGBT homelessness and not enough resources for the issue, he said. "In Chicago, we will then continue our legislative work, make an addition of our shelter goals, as well as add a department that will work with making businesses nationally become more LGBT-friendly and praise those that support and educate and boycott those who will not," he said. GLUAD now has 10 active volunteers, he said. "We are currently investigating the possible funding opportunities we can take part in to make our goals happen, federal and state grants, and the help of our members and allies will also make these goals become realistic," Laieski said. "Regretfully, with limited staff, resources, and budget, we have placed a primary focus on developing our ideas and making sure we do this promptly, which has taken an immense and critical amount of time out of our schedules. We will soon have a very informative and resourceful website containing some fantastic content, but at this time we make the professional sacrifice." The young organizer said he often works on GLUAD issues during school hours and while at school. "If a student or teacher asks what I am working on, I advise them of my involvement with GLUAD," he said. "GLUAD has a primary focus on legislative work, in which we are contacting all 50 state legislatures by email with literature containing insight on LGBT issues, statistics, demographics, suggested legislation to solve certain problems, and share others stories. "Although legislative work is very critical, we have concluded that we will be continuing legislative work but shifting our primary focus as well as mission towards the alarming, saddening, and shocking statistics on LGBT homelessness." Laieski said GLUAD's focus will include overturning the Arkansas adoption ban, opening the Chicago shelter and more. "GLUAD has very strong intentions of opening an LGBT shelter in Chicago, primarily in result to the alarming statistic of around 4,000 LGBT homeless youth on the streets of [ Chicago, ] according to the National Task Force," Laieski said. "GLUAD will have emergency beds for short-term use, and [ eventually will have ] permanent beds for long-time use. Our shelter/center will take in LGBT youth, adults, and elderly who are homeless, provide essentials and emergency packages to those on the street, counseling and activities for those who are housed or un-housed in our shelter. "Additionally we are currently investigating the security precautions our shelter will have to adopt, and the possibility of providing emergency beds to homeless folks who are not of the LGBT community in a separate sector as well to help those wanting assistance."

Article: Detective visits Shamong, warns of Internet's 'dark side'

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

by Adam Tait III

 SHAMONG—The Internet, like the telegraph, radio and television before it, has completely revolutionized the way we communicate. Today everything is in an instant, including “friendships.”

 No one can question the many benefits we all derive from this: staying in touch with the kids, calling for help and all the other useful and fun activities we take part in.

 But like all new technology, there’s a dark side to the Internet: crime lurks there, especially swindles. For teens and pre-teens, there are other dangers: cyber-bullying and sexual predators are among the worst.

 Those dangers were made chillingly clear to 17 interested parents on a recent night by a N.J. State Police detective, Michelle Goncalves, speaking at Indian Mills Memorial School (IMMS). In a fascinating, but frightening lecture of nearly 45 minutes, Det. Goncalves clearly outlined the down side of the Internet, with stories of harassment, blackmail and sexual assault, with tragic outcomes up to and including death.

 Fortunately, she also came up with some common-sense solutions, all fairly easy to implement, although somewhat time-consuming. Parental supervision is the key to everything, she said.

Goncalves, who had spoken to the student body at IMMS earlier in the day, began with a basic truth: your children are probably far more savvy on the Internet than you are. At the same time, due to their age and lack of maturity, they’re also often unable to form sound judgments about that stranger, soon to become a friend, they’re communicating with.

 While she said the students with whom she spoke were clearly aware of some of the dangers of anonymous communication, they were dangerously naïve about others. Something as innocent as wearing a shirt adorned with a school name or a team affiliation can be a major tipoff to a cyber predator.

 Goncalves told of a North Jersey youth who was a serious ice hockey fan. He started frequenting an ice hockey chat room. Soon he had a new “friend.” The boy told the “friend” he was lonely, didn’t drive and that his father hated ice hockey. He gave him all kinds of other personal information. After a year, the “friend” offered tickets to a Rangers-Devils game. The youth, an avid Rangers fan, accepted. When they met, the night of the game, the “friend” turned out to be 45.

 This story had a happy ending. The boy reported the incident to the state police. They were able to trace the “friend,” who had a prior arrest as a sexual predator. He’s now in prison.

 But many other tales have far unhappier endings. Goncalves told of a Maryland case of cyber-bullying that led to the death of a high-school student there, Jesse Logan. The young woman had dated a boy for several months, and eventually provided him with a nude photo of herself over the Internet.

 The inevitable happened: they broke up. The boy, seeking revenge, put Logan’s photo on the Internet and virtually everyone in their school saw it. Logan, crushed by betrayal and shame, killed herself.

 Goncalves followed that grim tale with a frightening timetable of how quickly a computer-savvy person can penetrate attempts to hide one’s true identity. She told of using her training and that of her partners’ in the state police’s four-person cyber crimes team. Within two minutes, using a valid email address and some common sense, they were able to find plenty of personal data.

 In eight minutes, they got the family’s home phone number as listed in a standard phone book’s white pages, then the home address. With that knowledge, it was easy to find the local school. Through that, school schedules and hours, including times students were outside the building.

 After 20 minutes, they had full names of all family members, down to middle initials and all the personal details anyone would want to know. And as Goncalves pointed out: “If we can do it, so can the cyber-bullies and cyber-psychotics.”

 This led her to discuss how parents can discover warning signs and what to do about them. Many children of that age suffer from low self esteem.

 That, coupled with a child spending hours at a computer, particularly late at night or in the middle of the night, should wave a red flag. Goncalves also urged parents not to allow a child to have a computer in his or her room. Keep the computer in a family room, playroom or even the living room, she urged.

 “Go online with your children,” she urged. Find who their “friends” are. “If you don’t know them, find out about them. If you can’t find out, make your child delete him. One 10-year-old girl had 200 online friends. That’s too many.” She also said that if your child shows you a blank Facebook, “it’s phony.”

 Goncalves said there are many programs parents can install secretly to monitor “every keystroke your child makes.”  Asked about the question of trust, she conceded that’s a difficult issue but said if parents suspect a problem, it might be necessary.

 After a 20-minute question-and-answer period, Goncalves was given a round of applause. Asked later if the audience of 17  was disappointing, she said the last two meetings held by fellow detectives drew two people each, so she was happy with the turnout.

 Several parents said the forum had been useful. All agreed there were dangers, all agreed their children knew more about the Internet than then did. Corinne Mogasic ruefully said, “The kids are two steps ahead of the parents. I’m glad they heard this from the detective (Goncalves). They won’t listen to the parents.”

 But the best quote was from Suzanne Dunn, mother of three, all computer literate. During Goncalves’ talk, she said her ninth-grade daughter “begged me not to come to the meeting.” She said later she sometimes allows her youngest to go online, just to get a quick break. Dunn concluded, thoughtfully, “The Internet is potentially harmful. The kids are going 50,000 miles per hour, while parents are at the speed limit. Where are we headed?”

Arizona: Gay high school student says teachers ignored bullying, death threats against him

NBC -- An Arizona high school student says bullying and death threats over his sexuality have led him to take action.

15-year-old Caleb Laieski attends Willow Canyon High School and says his concerns about bullying have gone largely ignored by teachers.

"There are a lot of teachers that when people say you're gay, or they call me a faggot or even some death threats have been made to me in classroom," said Laieski. "I do see teachers, they hear it and everything and they choose not to intervene."

Laieski came out three years ago, and has since become an activist on issues related to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender rights.

In 2008, he founded Gays & Lesbians United Against Discrimination (GLUAD).

"I think tolerance comes about with education," said Laieski.

Dan Pochoda, legal director of ACLU Arizona, says Caleb's situation is "troubling."

On behalf of the ACLU, Pochoda wrote a letter to the Dysart Unified School District asking the school to look into Laieski's situation.

Pochoda also requested the district "ensure that all District bullying, anti-harassment and anti-discrimination policies specifically include actual or perceived sexual orientation and gender identity."

"We'd like to work this out in discussion, face to face discussion rather than litigation which we would do if necessary," Pochoda said.

Citing privacy reasons, Dysart officials say they cannot comment on specific student situations.

"The Dysart District has policies in place that prohibit illegal discrimination and harassment as well as bullying," Jim Dean, Director of Community Relations for Dysart Unified School District, wrote in an email. "These policies include reporting and complaint mechanisms for concerns to be raised and addressed."

The school district has resources for student including a Safe Schools Hotline, but Laieski says the efforts haven't been enough to prevent him for being bullied.

"I'm not asking them to agree on my perspective," said Laieski, "I'm asking for tolerance."

Article: Ex-bullying victim speaking out

By Joni Averill
BDN Staff

Photo courtesy of Jennifer Hoyt Huerth Jennifer Hoyt Huerth of Hampden, a former bullying victim, wants to share her experiences with students.

When she is addressing students about bullying, Jennifer Hoyt Huerth of Hampden asks them to take a good look at her, then asks them how they believe she might have been perceived when she was in high school.“Was I athletic? Was I popular?”
Of course she was.
She was “the prom queen; captain of the soccer team.”
And then she tells her story.
She was neither.
“I didn’t fit in,” she said.
“I had no clear place.
“No matter what place I tried, it didn’t work.”
What she was was a victim of bullying.
As a seventh-grader in Bangor, “the bullying was somewhat abusive, sexually,” she told me. “I was pretty much branded a slut.
“It was carved into my locker. And the terrible thing about that was I was afraid of boys.”
At another school, someone went into every class “and carved very cruel things about me into desks.”
Ugly words were spray-painted on walls or written with black markers. “I was asked to leave that school,” she said.
In 10th grade, believing she was not receiving the support she needed at home or school, Jennifer ran away and ended up out of state.
“I was faced with homelessness, hunger, depression, drug addiction and abuse,” she has said and, at 18, “I even lived through the birth of my son and then his death.”
Born prematurely and weighing less than 2 pounds, Alex lived just three days.
“He died in my arms, and that moment was my rock bottom,” Jennifer said.
What she realized, she said, “is that I could not support myself, living on minimum wage and, after the baby died, I knew I wanted a baby someday, and I knew I would not be able to do that without an education.”
“My family has always been a supporter of education, but I never thought enough of myself to do anything about it.”
Jennifer returned to Bangor.
She attended The Learning Center and got her GED. She moved to Portland and slept on her sister’s couch while going to community college. Then she transferred to the University of Maine in Orono where she is working on her second master’s degree in counselor education.
Jennifer now is a conduct officer with the student affairs office at the university, helping students get back on track after violating codes of conduct.
Now married, with a son, working and still pursuing her education, Jennifer was asked to speak about her experiences at the UMaine Dropout Prevention Summit last summer.
Since then, she has been asked to speak to other groups and at local schools.

Jennifer told me she was making a presentation about bullying in January at Presque Isle High School when the world learned about the suicide of 15-year-old Phoebe Prince of South Hadley, Mass., which allegedly was caused by bullying.
Jennifer has been told her presentation is life-changing, and she wants to continue to bring it to Maine students.
She founded the Don’t Bully ME Project and has applied for $5,000 in funding from the Pepsi Refresh Project so that next year she can bring her story to 25 Maine schools in 25 weeks.
Nationwide voting runs through June 30, and you can vote once a day for Jennifer at this website.
Hers is one of 1,175 submissions. The top 10 receive the $5,000 grants, and the 500 runners-up go automatically on to the next funding competition, she said.
So vote. Daily. Help bring Don’t Bully ME to your community.
Joni Averill, Bangor Daily News, P.O. Box 1329, Bangor 04402; javerill@bangordailynews.com; 990-8288.