Thursday, May 20, 2010

Standing up to bullies



Amy Muldowney of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center (MARC) at Bridgewater State College gets expressive during a presentation to parents about bullying and cyberbullying last week at the high school. SEE RELATED STORIES.(Photo by Tom Maguire)

How do you know it's bullying?

By Rick Foster
Published: Thursday, May 20, 2010 9:36 AM EDT
Most parents, students and school administrators agree bullying is a disruptive and hurtful phenomenon whether it happens on or off school grounds.

But do they recognize it when they see it?

According to news reports following the death of a 15-year-old student at South Hadley High School, the girl hanged herself after months of verbal harassment and physical threats from several other teens. Yet the girl's agony went largely unnoticed by officials until her body was found by her 12-year-old sister.

In other cases, parents and schools have differed over what constitutes bullying and what steps should be taken to prevent it.

Carla Carey, mother of an Ahern Middle School student in Foxboro, said her daughter was the target of harassment in and out of school for a year or more. Yet school officials had trouble verifying her complaint when other teens "closed up" about the girl's mistreatment, she said.

"They thought it was all in her head," said Carey, who added that the bullying extended to hostile phone calls and messages that continued even at the 14-year-old's birthday party and during a family vacation.

The girl was eventually hospitalized for stress relating to the unrelenting abuse and police are investigating the case.

Carey is among parents working with the school administration to start a task force on bullying to educate parents and children and prevent bullying's destructive effects.

In addition, the girl's case has brought expressions of support from as far away as California from parents concerned about the issue in their communities.

While bullies and their victims have always been present in the schoolyard, Carey says it's a new ballgame today.

Traditional attitudes about "standing up for yourself" or avoiding conflict may not always compute in an era in which bullying has moved beyond the classroom and onto cell phones and the Internet.

"It's something the victim can't control and from which there's no escape," said Carey, whose daughter continued to worry throughout her hospitalization what was being said about her online.

Foxboro Superintendent Christopher Martes said local schools are taking the problem of bullying seriously and has convened a community task force with adult volunteers from the community.

Martes said parental and community support are key.

"This is something schools can't do alone," he said.

Even with the recent signing of a new state law banning bullying and cyberbullying, experts say communities need to go one step further by formally defining bullying and creating a consensus among students, teachers and parents as to what type of behavior is unacceptable.

"The biggest confusion facing adults is knowing what is conflict and what is bullying among kids," said Lisa DePonte of Community Care Services, who runs a program called "Empowering Today's Teens" at Taunton High School.

While bullying is sometimes associated with the threat of physical violence, a bully is still a bully even if mistreatment doesn't involve kicks or punches, DePonte said.

Bullying normally implies repeated behavior in which a person uses superior power - such as size, strength, popularity or standing with others - as a means to intimidate, coerce or take unfair advantage of another. The motive need not be a victim's lunch money, as of old, or cutting in the lunch line.

"Sometimes it's just to embarrass the victim and reinforce the bully's reputation and power within the group," DePonte said.

All conflict between students does not qualify as bullying, she said. But when one child gains the upper hand through coercion or intimidation, it can lead to serious and sometimes tragic consequences - both for the victim and the abusers.

In the South Hadley case, the victim ultimately took her own life after allegedly being harassed repeatedly and threatened because of her relationship with a popular boy. Nine teens are facing criminal charges in connection with the girl's abuse, including statutory rape.

The new state law prohibits bullying on school grounds, school-sponsored activities and school bus stops and requires that teachers and administrators report such incidents. It also calls for each school district to establish an anti-bullying policy and requires school districts to educate students about bullying.

The law defines bullying as repeated verbal or physical acts or gestures that cause physical or emotional harm to the victim, creates a hostile environment or disrupts school operations. The definition also includes cyber-bullying, the use of electronic devices to send or post derogatory or harassing messages about the victim.

Some legal scholars have raised the issue of whether the law might violate students' rights of free speech.

Regardless, experts who have studied bullying behavior say schools and others need to draw a clear line between bullying - chronic behavior intentionally aimed at harming another student - and playground teasing which might not include harmful intent.

"If it's simple teasing, you can recognize that on the playground," said California bullying expert Hilda Graham, who has written extensively on the subject. "You'll see kids switching roles and staying together and being friends again."

That's not true with bullying, she says.

"You can see it in kids' body language," Graham said. "The victim can't wait to get away from the bully. The looks of frustration are visible on a child's face."

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry's website says bullying can cause severe suffering in child victims, causing them to become fearful, withdrawn or even prompting them to attempt suicide.

Bullies thrive on controlling or dominating others. Often they have been victims of physical abuse or bullying themselves or may be depressed, angry or upset about events at school or at home.

The academy recommends that parents who suspect their child is bullying others to seek immediate help before the behavior leads to more serious social, emotional or legal problems.

Parents who believe their children are being bullied should provide ample opportunities for their child to talk and discuss the problem in a positive and accepting manner.

Parents may be able to enlist the help of a child's teacher or school guidance counselor and ask school officials about increased supervision or programs designed to combat bullying.

Despite many earnest efforts on all sides, there are signs schools and parents are struggling with what constitutes bullying and what to do about it.

In Wrentham, the mother of a sixth-grade girl who asked to remain anonymous said she complained to the school department after a classmate allegedly berated and ridiculed her daughter in and out of class over a period of several months. She said the mistreatment caused her daughter to lose enthusiasm for school and her grades to plummet.

The mother said school officials declined her request to place the two girls in separate classes.

Superintendent Jeffrey Marsden, saying he could only speak in generalities, said the school district has taken an aggressive posture on bullying, including inviting a representative of the Norfolk County District Attorney's Office to speak to parents on the subject. The schools have also instituted a social competency program to encourage healthy interaction between students.

An anti-bullying policy, in the works for several months, was approved by the school committee last week.

Incidents involving students are evaluated on a case-by-case basis, Marsden said. He said that in some cases, separating classmates is justified, but that it is not a panacea for resolving all disputes. The schools do provide counseling and support to children in such situations, however.

Elizabeth Englander, director of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center at Bridgewater State College, said that despite the new law, individual school districts still have much work to do to get a handle on the problem of bullying and how best to "operationalize" the law in their own communities.

In an attempt to help schools, the center will hold workshops for local officials June 18 in West Roxbury and June 23 in Worcester.

Carey said she hopes the Foxboro task force envisioned by local civic leaders will help the community get a better handle on bullying. In the meantime, she said it's important for families to listen carefully to children and to go to bat with school officials if they're convinced they're children are being victimized.

The Careys have also taken their concern over the incident to local police, who have begun an investigation. Chief Edward O'Leary said an investigation into alleged harassment is ongoing.

"You have to be persistent," she said. "And vocal."


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