Tuesday, June 15, 2010
by Adam Tait III
SHAMONG—The Internet, like the telegraph, radio and television before it, has completely revolutionized the way we communicate. Today everything is in an instant, including “friendships.”
No one can question the many benefits we all derive from this: staying in touch with the kids, calling for help and all the other useful and fun activities we take part in.
But like all new technology, there’s a dark side to the Internet: crime lurks there, especially swindles. For teens and pre-teens, there are other dangers: cyber-bullying and sexual predators are among the worst.
Those dangers were made chillingly clear to 17 interested parents on a recent night by a N.J. State Police detective, Michelle Goncalves, speaking at Indian Mills Memorial School (IMMS). In a fascinating, but frightening lecture of nearly 45 minutes, Det. Goncalves clearly outlined the down side of the Internet, with stories of harassment, blackmail and sexual assault, with tragic outcomes up to and including death.
Fortunately, she also came up with some common-sense solutions, all fairly easy to implement, although somewhat time-consuming. Parental supervision is the key to everything, she said.
Goncalves, who had spoken to the student body at IMMS earlier in the day, began with a basic truth: your children are probably far more savvy on the Internet than you are. At the same time, due to their age and lack of maturity, they’re also often unable to form sound judgments about that stranger, soon to become a friend, they’re communicating with.
While she said the students with whom she spoke were clearly aware of some of the dangers of anonymous communication, they were dangerously naïve about others. Something as innocent as wearing a shirt adorned with a school name or a team affiliation can be a major tipoff to a cyber predator.
Goncalves told of a North Jersey youth who was a serious ice hockey fan. He started frequenting an ice hockey chat room. Soon he had a new “friend.” The boy told the “friend” he was lonely, didn’t drive and that his father hated ice hockey. He gave him all kinds of other personal information. After a year, the “friend” offered tickets to a Rangers-Devils game. The youth, an avid Rangers fan, accepted. When they met, the night of the game, the “friend” turned out to be 45.
This story had a happy ending. The boy reported the incident to the state police. They were able to trace the “friend,” who had a prior arrest as a sexual predator. He’s now in prison.
But many other tales have far unhappier endings. Goncalves told of a Maryland case of cyber-bullying that led to the death of a high-school student there, Jesse Logan. The young woman had dated a boy for several months, and eventually provided him with a nude photo of herself over the Internet.
The inevitable happened: they broke up. The boy, seeking revenge, put Logan’s photo on the Internet and virtually everyone in their school saw it. Logan, crushed by betrayal and shame, killed herself.
Goncalves followed that grim tale with a frightening timetable of how quickly a computer-savvy person can penetrate attempts to hide one’s true identity. She told of using her training and that of her partners’ in the state police’s four-person cyber crimes team. Within two minutes, using a valid email address and some common sense, they were able to find plenty of personal data.
In eight minutes, they got the family’s home phone number as listed in a standard phone book’s white pages, then the home address. With that knowledge, it was easy to find the local school. Through that, school schedules and hours, including times students were outside the building.
After 20 minutes, they had full names of all family members, down to middle initials and all the personal details anyone would want to know. And as Goncalves pointed out: “If we can do it, so can the cyber-bullies and cyber-psychotics.”
This led her to discuss how parents can discover warning signs and what to do about them. Many children of that age suffer from low self esteem.
That, coupled with a child spending hours at a computer, particularly late at night or in the middle of the night, should wave a red flag. Goncalves also urged parents not to allow a child to have a computer in his or her room. Keep the computer in a family room, playroom or even the living room, she urged.
“Go online with your children,” she urged. Find who their “friends” are. “If you don’t know them, find out about them. If you can’t find out, make your child delete him. One 10-year-old girl had 200 online friends. That’s too many.” She also said that if your child shows you a blank Facebook, “it’s phony.”
Goncalves said there are many programs parents can install secretly to monitor “every keystroke your child makes.” Asked about the question of trust, she conceded that’s a difficult issue but said if parents suspect a problem, it might be necessary.
After a 20-minute question-and-answer period, Goncalves was given a round of applause. Asked later if the audience of 17 was disappointing, she said the last two meetings held by fellow detectives drew two people each, so she was happy with the turnout.
Several parents said the forum had been useful. All agreed there were dangers, all agreed their children knew more about the Internet than then did. Corinne Mogasic ruefully said, “The kids are two steps ahead of the parents. I’m glad they heard this from the detective (Goncalves). They won’t listen to the parents.”
But the best quote was from Suzanne Dunn, mother of three, all computer literate. During Goncalves’ talk, she said her ninth-grade daughter “begged me not to come to the meeting.” She said later she sometimes allows her youngest to go online, just to get a quick break. Dunn concluded, thoughtfully, “The Internet is potentially harmful. The kids are going 50,000 miles per hour, while parents are at the speed limit. Where are we headed?”
No one can question the many benefits we all derive from this: staying in touch with the kids, calling for help and all the other useful and fun activities we take part in.
But like all new technology, there’s a dark side to the Internet: crime lurks there, especially swindles. For teens and pre-teens, there are other dangers: cyber-bullying and sexual predators are among the worst.
Those dangers were made chillingly clear to 17 interested parents on a recent night by a N.J. State Police detective, Michelle Goncalves, speaking at Indian Mills Memorial School (IMMS). In a fascinating, but frightening lecture of nearly 45 minutes, Det. Goncalves clearly outlined the down side of the Internet, with stories of harassment, blackmail and sexual assault, with tragic outcomes up to and including death.
Fortunately, she also came up with some common-sense solutions, all fairly easy to implement, although somewhat time-consuming. Parental supervision is the key to everything, she said.
Goncalves, who had spoken to the student body at IMMS earlier in the day, began with a basic truth: your children are probably far more savvy on the Internet than you are. At the same time, due to their age and lack of maturity, they’re also often unable to form sound judgments about that stranger, soon to become a friend, they’re communicating with.
While she said the students with whom she spoke were clearly aware of some of the dangers of anonymous communication, they were dangerously naïve about others. Something as innocent as wearing a shirt adorned with a school name or a team affiliation can be a major tipoff to a cyber predator.
Goncalves told of a North Jersey youth who was a serious ice hockey fan. He started frequenting an ice hockey chat room. Soon he had a new “friend.” The boy told the “friend” he was lonely, didn’t drive and that his father hated ice hockey. He gave him all kinds of other personal information. After a year, the “friend” offered tickets to a Rangers-Devils game. The youth, an avid Rangers fan, accepted. When they met, the night of the game, the “friend” turned out to be 45.
This story had a happy ending. The boy reported the incident to the state police. They were able to trace the “friend,” who had a prior arrest as a sexual predator. He’s now in prison.
But many other tales have far unhappier endings. Goncalves told of a Maryland case of cyber-bullying that led to the death of a high-school student there, Jesse Logan. The young woman had dated a boy for several months, and eventually provided him with a nude photo of herself over the Internet.
The inevitable happened: they broke up. The boy, seeking revenge, put Logan’s photo on the Internet and virtually everyone in their school saw it. Logan, crushed by betrayal and shame, killed herself.
Goncalves followed that grim tale with a frightening timetable of how quickly a computer-savvy person can penetrate attempts to hide one’s true identity. She told of using her training and that of her partners’ in the state police’s four-person cyber crimes team. Within two minutes, using a valid email address and some common sense, they were able to find plenty of personal data.
In eight minutes, they got the family’s home phone number as listed in a standard phone book’s white pages, then the home address. With that knowledge, it was easy to find the local school. Through that, school schedules and hours, including times students were outside the building.
After 20 minutes, they had full names of all family members, down to middle initials and all the personal details anyone would want to know. And as Goncalves pointed out: “If we can do it, so can the cyber-bullies and cyber-psychotics.”
This led her to discuss how parents can discover warning signs and what to do about them. Many children of that age suffer from low self esteem.
That, coupled with a child spending hours at a computer, particularly late at night or in the middle of the night, should wave a red flag. Goncalves also urged parents not to allow a child to have a computer in his or her room. Keep the computer in a family room, playroom or even the living room, she urged.
“Go online with your children,” she urged. Find who their “friends” are. “If you don’t know them, find out about them. If you can’t find out, make your child delete him. One 10-year-old girl had 200 online friends. That’s too many.” She also said that if your child shows you a blank Facebook, “it’s phony.”
Goncalves said there are many programs parents can install secretly to monitor “every keystroke your child makes.” Asked about the question of trust, she conceded that’s a difficult issue but said if parents suspect a problem, it might be necessary.
After a 20-minute question-and-answer period, Goncalves was given a round of applause. Asked later if the audience of 17 was disappointing, she said the last two meetings held by fellow detectives drew two people each, so she was happy with the turnout.
Several parents said the forum had been useful. All agreed there were dangers, all agreed their children knew more about the Internet than then did. Corinne Mogasic ruefully said, “The kids are two steps ahead of the parents. I’m glad they heard this from the detective (Goncalves). They won’t listen to the parents.”
But the best quote was from Suzanne Dunn, mother of three, all computer literate. During Goncalves’ talk, she said her ninth-grade daughter “begged me not to come to the meeting.” She said later she sometimes allows her youngest to go online, just to get a quick break. Dunn concluded, thoughtfully, “The Internet is potentially harmful. The kids are going 50,000 miles per hour, while parents are at the speed limit. Where are we headed?”
Reporting
